I could sugar coat this blog and make it seem like we are always super positive, always super brave, sometimes we are none of those things. I want to be honest and tell it as it is, how it makes me feel, good days and bad days. Today, for me, was a bad day.
"Today I feel angry, I am angry with MND, I am angry that it chose my husband, I `m angry that it chooses any body. I want to be like in that film `Inner space`, where they shrink a ship with a crew and they go inside the human body. I want to be shrunk and go inside my husband`s body and hunt down the little buggers that are doing things to his motor neurones and I want to kill them so that they leave him alone. I want to get a special nerve kit and mend the damaged ones, I want my husband to be back to normal. I want him to live!!!! It`s all so bloody unfair !! Sometimes it`s hard to be positive, sometimes you just have to be bloody angry !!!
OK, got that off my chest, got a bit emotional there.......
We were just watching TOTP`s 2 from 1979 and the Beach Boys were on with `Lady Linda`. Chris tells me he named one of his tractors way back, after that song, he painted the title on the bonnet. I said I didn`t know that. I told him that he`d better tell me all the things I don`t know yet about him. I want to know them all before .....well before. Chris just smiled and he made a joke. I love that man, how the hell does he stay so cheerful ? I asked him if he ever gets angry and he said yes, when his fingers can`t undo a nut or turn a bolt. It`s not having MND that makes him angry, it`s what it stops him from doing. He`s the positive one, the fighter. There`s me supposed to be supporting Chris, when the reality is, he is really supporting me.
OK bad dream, I`ve had enough now, can I wake up please?"
