I was up early, hoovering and tidying, awaiting family to gather. My brother and his family came down from West Sussex and I also had friends who had traveled down over night to attend. As guests arrived I poured out the malt and we had a small toast to Christopher (hope that was OK my darling?). I was doing fine until the hearse arrived with my darling boy and then I saw our flowers for the first time, I lost it then. Denise had the most amazing flowers made from the siblings, it was a TR7 ( I bet you loved that eh Chris?) It was fantastic and so fitting. I was thrilled to see my cousin Christine and her husband Mike had made it too.
We gathered as a family behind the hearse for the short walk to the church, Christopher's beloved Leyland tractor led the hearse to the church and the Matbro handler stood in the front meadow with it's bucket held high in salute to the one who drove him the most.
I found the whole thing so emotional I could hardly breathe and I walked in first after Christopher with Tam and Tracey holding my hands. Jordan was one of the bearers as was Kevin, Chris's brother. Jem, Chris's closest friend plus Vivian and Peter, other friends, we're also bearers. The church was packed and I just couldn't look at anyone. That was my boy there in that box, this really was time to say goodbye and I couldn't bare it.
Two lovely ladies from the church who knew Chris well read a poem and the reading. I wrote the eulogy which the Vicar read and Kevin read an emotional poem followed by a few words of his own. Chloe had always wanted to sing for her dad, but she wasn't sure if she could do it, so we didn't put it on the order of service. She changed her mind what she wanted to sing on the way home from the airport on Wednesday, she decided she would like to sing 'Wind beneath my wings.'. We downloaded a backing track and the lyrics when we got home and set up her PA equipment in the church on Thursday. She gave the vicar the sign that she could sing during the service and went ahead with Tom in control of setting the backing track going. I can honestly say I have never heard Chloe sing so well. I thought there would be nerves, but there wasn't. She even made grown men cry. (I bet you had a few tears too eh my darling watching over her?) Even the vicar showed signs of emotion when she read some words about Chris, she knew him well too.
Chloe did lose it a bit after, but that was understandable. Everyone said they had never been to such a moving service and that it was a fitting send off for my boy.
After greeting people outside and thanking them for coming, we returned home for a quick freshen up and then Denise and Harold took Chloe, Tom and myself to the wake at The Camel Centre and yes, there are actual camels there right outside of the window.
The wake was a blur really, with so many people wanting to talk to me. I did find that hard as I would rather hide in the background than be the centre of attention, so I constantly reminded myself that everyone needed to share their love and memories of Chris and for Chris and that was important. The Oates family did a wonderful job of the catering, with plenty to eat for everyone. Kevin set up the slide show that I had prepared and people watched with amusement I think, seeing Chris as a baby and small child as well as a grown man.
Later was the final part of the farewell, the journey to Camborne crematorium. I drove Chloe and Tom there and Tam went with Jordan and Tracey. It was just close family there and it was a very short service, but it still was a very emotional experience and Chloe in particular really broke down, something she needed to do. Tony, from Pendles said he would drop the flowers back to our bungalow for us.
We all as a family were then treated to a meal at a nearby restaurant by Denise and Lucille.
We then traveled back home, the flowers were there to greet us when we got back. The attendance cards were waiting there too and over 200 people attended apart from us family, what a fitting tribute for my boy.
So that was it, the final farewell to my darling boy, (for now anyway my darling, till we meet again.)
This morning life had to carry on. I was up a 5am to take Chloe and Tom to Newquay airport as they had to get back to Brighton. It is more than a hour trip to get there and we left in the dark, hitting patches of fog along the way. On the way back the sun had come up and the mist settled low on the roads and had an ethereal feel.
OK Christopher my darling, you never did tell me how I was supposed to live without you, I guess now is when I really begin to learn. I will love you and miss you always my boy, this was not how it was meant to be.
Fly free my darling, fly free. ❤️
