Our hands are important to all of us and if one or other is incapacitated in someway, we would certainly know about it. MND is creeping up on the hands slowly. Chris finds he can`t grip the tools he uses to maintain the tractors as well, he finds using a knife and fork more awkward now and you can actually see the muscle wasting in his hands. I have to do buttons up for him and he asked me to buy him some bananas with a zip, so they would be easier to undo. Yes, inspite of how it seems, we do see the funny side in all these situations sometimes. More recently he has noticed when he is outside on the farm, first thing in the morning, that his hands don`t work so well, especially in the rain, it doesn`t even have to be cold. Of course none of us know how this will have progressed by the winter, but it made me think that maybe he isn`t going to be able to do even half as much as he does now, outside in our cold, wet, damp Cornish winters. We are are quite exposed here and the wind chill can be a bugger. That`s such a hard thing for him, letting go of the farm. He was born here, it is his life. I hope MND gives him time to adjust. It`s kind of scary wondering how this will progress. there are plenty of things to help with the physical things, but I`m not sure how easy it is for anyone to adjust mentally as you slowly lose control of your body.
I have to admire Chris though, he battles on with that beautiful smile of his, while I ponder the future and get over whelmed with fear. The thought of losing him, well I can`t even acknowledge that yet, though sometimes that thought peeps it`s head around the door, but I slam it shut fast, not yet, I`m not ready for that, go away. I fear more at the moment what this bloody awful disease is going to do to him. A man who has worked outside all his life, every day of the year barring the very rare holiday or a trip to see our youngest in Brighton. How will he cope when all that is taken away? I suspect better than I think, but only someone who`s going through that can truely know, I can only imagine. When the sadness settles on me I think of my brave husband , trying to carry on as best he can, I feel sad at the loss that is to come for him and the loss that will eventually come to us as a family. This is such a cruel disease, to slowly take his physicality , but leave the intellect in tact. The reason I write this candid blog, is because I want people to know what MND, for us anyway, is truly like. There are so many wonderful people out there spreading awareness, this is just my way. We have a common cause though, we all hope and pray for a cure, the best gift for all those around the world being consumed by this disease right now.
