Most of the time I feel I am floating in a big, dark ocean, just about staying afloat, but sometimes I feel so over whelmed with this new life with MND that I feel like I am drowning. I sometimes feel dragged under by the fear for the now, for Chris, for our future, for my future without him and I just want to run away, for just a while at least. Most of the time I use distractions and occupation to keep me afloat and most of the time I can drift along OK. Sometimes though I just get so sad. sad for Chris, sad for me and sad for our children? Why is there such an awful disease and why did it pick on Chris? Most of the time I try and stay strong, but sometimes I just want to hide away. I still hope I will wake up, that this is just a bad dream, but I know it's not.
These feelings will pass, tomorrow I will be OK again, till the next time, but how it makes me feel sometimes well it is part of this horrible journey, to pretend otherwise would be a lie. I don't want sympathy or kind words, I get those aplenty anyway from wonderful people. I just promised to tell this as it is, the good times and the bad, and this moment, well it's just one of the bad ones .
I hate this disease that is MND so ******* much!!!!
