These past couple of weeks have been a reality check for both of us really. Of course the progression with MND has been happening, but it was slow enough for it to become the norm. Just lately though it seems to have caught up with us and the reality that this is actually going to shorten Chris`s life considerably, has hit home.
Chris has been feeling low, mainly at the frustration of it all, at not being able to do the things he used too, of the effort it takes to move around, the fact that he doesn`t enjoy his meals anymore, or have much of an appetite. These things have all built up inside.
We went to church yesterday morning to take part in the Nine Lessons and Carols. Chris`s brother Kevin, myself and Chloe, were asked to read the Shepherds lesson. It is sort of a family tradition, with Chris or his dad always reading that part before. Chris`s speech being affected by the MND makes it hard for him to do things like that now. Chloe also sang solo in some verses of a couple of carols. Hearing Chloe sing actually reduced Chris to tears and I knew it was just more than fatherly pride. He told me later that he suddenly thought that he might not be here next year to watch her sing at the carol service again and I must confess I momentarily thought that too. We both have to put those kind of thoughts out of our minds though, or this disease will really drag us down. I think it also hit home that this will probably be the last Christmas in this house, the house that Chris was born in and lived in all his life. We will most likely be moving into a bungalow on the farm in the spring. We are fortunate to have that opportunity as it will be more practical. Climbing the stairs is becoming harder and harder for him, but it will be really tough for Chris to leave his home, even though he knows it will be for the best.
Later in the day though we had family around, including Chris`s dad, as it was his 93rd birthday. We all had a wonderful time with plenty of eating, drinking and merriment and it perked Chris up no end.
This morning Jordan spent some much needed time with Chris and Jordan drove his dad around to drop off pressies to various friends. It was really good for them to spend some time together. Chris may be Jordan`s step dad, but he has brought both Tam and Jordan up as his own since they were very little and they both love him very much. Chris certainly seemed more cheerful when he got back.
Chris is very good at putting on the brave face, even to me, but deep down he is feeling it, who wouldn`t? We are going to do our very best to have a lovely Christmas day though and Chris`s brother will be joining us too, so I hope there will be lots more laughter.
Who knows what the new year will bring. I just hope we can keep one step ahead of the practical stuff while still living one day at a time.
