I wake early, Chris even earlier, old habits die hard. I get his breakfast ready for when he comes in from the yard. He still likes a good breakfast, but toast and crunchy cereal are no longer on the menu. Yesterday while he was eating it he told me that his hands were much weaker. The muscle wasting in his hands is quite obvious now, there are hollow pits between his fingers and thumbs. He has been reluctant to use cutlery with thicker handles which would make gripping easier. The physio`s did suggest getting some pipe insulation and cutting it down to go around the handles of the cutlery and I think he is coming round to the idea. Someone else also suggested to me that I could open the lower seams on his overall legs and replace them with Velcro to make the legs easier to get on , but Chris was most indignant about that one. I think I`m going to have to give him time to get used to the idea. I`ve noticed the slight coughing and clearing of his throat is increasing more now during his meals. One good thing though, after upping the milkshakes again, his weight has gone back up which is good. He still eats all his meals, but it takes so long now and the physio said that even eating can be tiring for him. The things we never think of when we are well.
Being the wife I see things differently. I see the obvious practical things that will help him and I see a stubborn man who sometimes doesn`t want to face up to reality. But... that same stubborn streak is what is keeping him going. His reluctance to give in is him fighting MND`s onslaught. I guess being stubborn is a form of defence against this attacker. I do know though that he will accept things in time. He accepted the wheelchair as he knew walking too far was way too difficult now. He accepted the shower seat as he knew he could no longer stand up in the shower and I know he will accept these other things when the `normal` way of doing things become too difficult.
Being stubborn can be a good thing sometimes, but that has to be balanced up with facing reality, because being stubborn beyond belief is just cutting off your nose to spite your face. For example, using a wheelchair is like saying to MND ` You thought you`d stop me moving and getting out by taking my legs from me, but look, here I am moving, here I am getting about. YOU haven`t stopped me` so best not let MND have the last laugh.
