I coped with Chris's birthday pretty well until the evening. I told Tam she could go out and that I would be fine on my own. It hit me though that birthday's are always a family affair with us, we all get together to celebrate each other's if we can and there I was, all alone, there was no family celebration, just me remembering happier days and missing Chris so very much. I did lose it for a bit. I haven't actually cried in a while, so I guess it was needed.
I am back to normal today, whatever that is. Yesterday though I had posted a couple of photos of Chris. One was an older one and one was a memory from Chris's birthday two years ago around the time he visited the GP about his limp. I was looking at them today and they both have Chris doing a similar pose and it suddenly hit me. In the photo taken two years ago there was such obvious muscle wasting in his arm, even though we hadn't noticed it at the time.
MND creeps up on a person by stelth. Chris's MND nurse said he would have had it a long time before he ever noticed any symptoms and I think she was right. It isn't till something happens to make you worry and vist the doctor that the path to diagnosis can even begin.
It actually makes me shiver to think that the signs were so obviously there and we never even noticed or would have even known what it was.
MND took many things, but one thing it didn't take, it did take that beautiful smile.
